change

Shall I compare thee…

Something I hear frequently from clients is, “It’s nothing compared to what others have gone through.” In other words, my pain is nothing compared to someone else’s pain. In one sentence we invalidate our experience and feelings in the comparison to what we think the other person’s experience is. We deny our difference. It takes us away from our pain and discomfort. Though it may give us some relief, it is short-lived and we tend to feel worse as we keep dismissing our experience, feelings and who we are.

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On ‘Shouldism’…

‘Shoulds’ often cover up our fears, suspicions and resentments. Perls maintains that ‘shouldism’ in adults reflects a childlike desire to please others rather than to respond to ones’ own genuine needs. Those internalised beliefs and attitudes prevent us from moving forward. We feel trapped with no sense of choice.

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Yeah But No But

How the word “but” keeps us seated. – Language has immense power and impact. It influences our thoughts and actions and yet we often use words habitually and unconsciously without being aware of their impact on our emotional wellbeing. For example, how often do you use the word “but” in daily conversations?

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