Something I hear frequently from clients is, “It’s nothing compared to what others have gone through.” In other words, my pain is nothing compared to someone else’s pain. In one sentence we invalidate our experience and feelings in the comparison to what we think the other person’s experience is. We deny our difference. It takes us away from our pain and discomfort. Though it may give us some relief, it is short-lived and we tend to feel worse as we keep dismissing our experience, feelings and who we are.Read more "Shall I compare thee…"
‘Shoulds’ often cover up our fears, suspicions and resentments. Perls maintains that ‘shouldism’ in adults reflects a childlike desire to please others rather than to respond to ones’ own genuine needs. Those internalised beliefs and attitudes prevent us from moving forward. We feel trapped with no sense of choice.Read more "On ‘Shouldism’…"
How the word “but” keeps us seated. – Language has immense power and impact. It influences our thoughts and actions and yet we often use words habitually and unconsciously without being aware of their impact on our emotional wellbeing. For example, how often do you use the word “but” in daily conversations?Read more "Yeah But No But"
Adjusting to a new cultural environment is full of challenges. It could be described as a journey through the joy of discovery and its polarity – heartbreaking loss. It has also been defined in terms of emotional stages.Read more "On finding a sense of belonging… (Part 2)"
“Being known” provides us with a sense of stability and security and generates trust. But what happens when we are uprooted early on in our lives? What if we have to face a number of significant losses and separations before the end of our adolescence?Read more "On finding a sense of belonging…"
But how can we manage our anger in the moment, when we are overcome by that surge of energy which announces the arrival of anger? …I take a step back – literally. And then focus on my breathing.Read more "When angry, breathe!"
Anger is a primary, natural emotion experienced by all humans at times. It is our natural response to threat or frustration. The frustration of our desires or the interruption of current activities is likely to evoke anger.Read more "What we can learn from anger…"