Something I hear frequently from clients is, “It’s nothing compared to what others have gone through.” In other words, my pain is nothing compared to someone else’s pain. In one sentence we invalidate our experience and feelings in the comparison to what we think the other person’s experience is. We deny our difference. It takes us away from our pain and discomfort. Though it may give us some relief, it is short-lived and we tend to feel worse as we keep dismissing our experience, feelings and who we are.Read more "Shall I compare thee…"
‘Shoulds’ often cover up our fears, suspicions and resentments. Perls maintains that ‘shouldism’ in adults reflects a childlike desire to please others rather than to respond to ones’ own genuine needs. Those internalised beliefs and attitudes prevent us from moving forward. We feel trapped with no sense of choice.Read more "On ‘Shouldism’…"
Adjusting to a new cultural environment is full of challenges. It could be described as a journey through the joy of discovery and its polarity – heartbreaking loss. It has also been defined in terms of emotional stages.Read more "On finding a sense of belonging… (Part 2)"
“Being known” provides us with a sense of stability and security and generates trust. But what happens when we are uprooted early on in our lives? What if we have to face a number of significant losses and separations before the end of our adolescence?Read more "On finding a sense of belonging…"